Smoking Is Bad For You
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: Written for the op-fanforall over at LJ. When Sanji starts coughing up blood, the crew have an intervention to help him quit smoking. No pairings, but Teen for the aforementioned blood.


**This was a fic I wrote for the op-fanforall over at LiveJournal back at the beginning of January, where the prompt was (and I quote) "When Sanji begins coughing up blood, the crew have an intervention to help him quit smoking. Bonus points if lollipops a-la-awful-4kids-dub-Sanji are involved. **

**Disclaimer: One Piece isn't mine. It belong to the extremely imaginative Eiichiro Oda.**

**Smoking Is Bad For You**

It started out inconspicuously enough. Slight throat clearings in the middle of sentences or coughs hidden behind a hand or under the noise of clanking plates during dinner. He kept up a continuous mantra of "It's nothing," or "Just a tickle in my throat" that may have been convincing for a time, but when it happened every day and with increasing frequency for about two weeks, Chopper decided to have a chat with him.

The poor little reindeer came tottering out of the galley a few seconds later, on the verge of tears, and when asked what was wrong, exclaimed, "He…he threatened to _kick _me if I got too close to him!"

While Robin ushered the traumatized creature off into the library, Nami gave the others a look that clearly said, 'one of you is going to go in there and fix this _now_' before following.

"_Ne, _is something wrong with Sanji?" Luffy blinked. "Maybe he hasn't been cooking enough. I'll go ask him for some food…"

"_No," _said four voices simultaneously.

"You all know that _I, _the great _Captain Usopp, _would gladly enter those doors and brave whatever horrors may lie in wait, but…alas…" he dropped to the ground and started to twitch. "My must-not-enter-the-galley-disease is especially strong today…"

"Then what can we do? Someone's gotta go talk to Sanji-bro," Franky looked almost thoughtful.

"If Sanji-san is liable to attack, though, there is only one logical choice," Brook pointed out, and as four pairs of eyes turned to Zoro, he muttered something about, 'only because he threatened Chopper, you idiots, I'm not doing it for you,' before stomping into the galley.

"Oi! Cook! Get whatever's stuck up your rear out and apologize!"

He glanced around but was met only by empty space and silence. Moving around the table, he noticed that the door to the pantry was open and walked over, hoping that maybe he could snag a bottle of sake and hightail it out before the cook got back from…wherever he was. He pushed open the door and a shaft of light fell on Sanji, kneeling on the floor with his hands covering his mouth and shaking.

"Hey," Zoro stopped in the doorway. Whatever was up with Sanji, it was more serious than he had thought. They all knew that Sanji went through periods of what Nami so tactfully called 'male PMS,' and Zoro had simply assumed this to be one of them, but… "Chopper's really upset. Go apologize."

"Get out," Sanji's voice was horase, as if he had been yelling for a long time.

Or coughing, which Zoro realized after the blonde hunched over again and started to hack, chest heaving as he struggled to even breathe through the intense coughing fit.

"Oi!" Zoro's first instinct was to run for Chopper, but if the cook died because he couldn't get any air that wasn't really an option. He came into the small room and dropped down beside the cook. "Breathe, you idiot!" he snarled and got a weak nod in response as the coughing finally abated and Sanji drew in a shuddering breath, his body shaking even more than before. "I don't care about your stubborn pride, and if I have to knock you out and drag you off to Chopper I _will, _because…"

"It's nothing," Sanji glanced up, his hands still over his mouth, and Zoro saw what he hadn't before in the dim light.

"Cook," Zoro said warningly, but when Sanji just turned away, he grabbed the other man roughly and spun him around, yanking his hand away from his mouth and staring at it. "You're bleeding."

"It's not that bad."

"What, did you try to bite your cigarette and chomp down on your tongue or something stupid?"

"Har-har. You're a riot," Sanji's threat lacked any real malice, though, and he shivered once more as he bent over, a cough tearing its way from his throat as blood spattered on the floor. Zoro kept a grip on his wrist the whole time even though _now _he was beginning to see what had been going on for the past couple of weeks.

"How long?"

"Just this afternoon," Sanji wiped his lips with his free hand. "I didn't want to cause any…"

"Well I think it'd be a lot more trouble if you were _dead, _wouldn't it?" he growled. "Why did you yell at Chopper?"

"I told you, I…" he cut off, spitting out some more blood. "It's not that bad," he said again.

"Cook, I've gotten more injuries than I can count, and I think I can tell when something needs to be looked at."

"Says the man who sewed up his own chest."

"At least I did something!"

"It could have…" Sanji groaned again and cluctched at his chest, his breathing turning harsh. "Hurts," he moaned before his eyes rolled up and he slumped forward, leaving Zoro with no choice but to catch him. At least now getting him to Chopper wouldn't be so difficult, and his breathing seemed to be growing steadier.

Zoro lifted him easily (_too _easily, he thought) and carried him out past his four shocked _nakama _on the deck and kicked open the door to the library. "Oi, Chopper, we've got a problem."

000

When Sanji woke up, he found himself laying in the infirmary and, thankfully, in much less pain than he had been in. Of course he knew that something was wrong, and he knew why, but it wasn't like he couldn't have handled it himself.

Except for the whole passing-out-in-Zoro's-arms thing. That was kind of embarrassing. "Chopper?" he rasped; throat feeling like somebody had scraped the insides with sandpaper.

"Here," Chopper appeared. "Drink this," he shoved a glass at Sanji, who swallowed the foul-tasting liquid with a grimace.

"I'm sorry about before."

"It doesn't matter," the reindeer waved a hoof. "I want you to stay here for a couple of days. I've given you some medicine that should help ease the pain in your chest, and the coughs will likely stop by themselves. If Zoro hadn't brought you in, though, you could have died. The blood could have gotten into your lungs," Chopper said gravely, and Sanji made an expression that might have been a grimace before he schooled his features into indifference once more.

"Hey! Sanji's up!" Luffy propelled himself through the door, and as if that was some kind of signal, the rest of the crew filed in directly behind him.

"Sanji-bro! How are you?"

"I'm fine," Sanji smiled weakly at them. "Just a chest infection or something. Right, Chopper?"

When Chopper didn't answer right away, Sanji glanced up at him. "Chopper?"

"I'm afraid it's more serious than that," the reindeer admitted, shifting a test tube form hoof to hoof.

"What d'you mean? He's not going to die, is he? I don't want to look for another cook!" Luffy's eyes were wide.

"No, he won't," Chopper assured them. "But…he needs to stop smoking."

There was about five seconds of silence before Sanji exploded. Or, at least tried to, because when he opened his mouth to yell at them another coughing fit interrupted him and he curled up as much as he could, forehead pressed to his knees as his hands came up instinctively to hide his mouth. He glanced up a few moments later, feeling guilty for causing his beauties so much worry as he took in the shocked look on Nami's face and the pained one on Robin's.

"No blood," Chopper sounded relieved. "They'll stop completely in a few days."

"But…" Sanji was smart enough not to try anything violent again, so he said, in a completely rational tone, "What do you mean, stop smoking?"

"Sanji, how old were you when you started?"

"Thirteen, maybe," he shrugged. "Dunno, really. Sometime after I got saved by the old geezer and we started the _Baratie." _

"I was afraid that might be the case," Chopper looked a little sad.

"Sanji-kun, you've been chain smoking for over six years," Nami looked a little taken aback. "I always thought you were responsible, but this…"

"I do not think we can blame him for his actions," Robin put a hand on Nami's arm. "I have no desire to guess what he went through, but Sanji-san has not had it easy, I am sure."

"Thank you for being so understanding, Robin-chwan!"

"That being said, I would think that most people would understand the recklessness of taking up smoking at such a young age. The body has not fully developed by that time, and by doing that you have more than likely reduced your lung capacity significantly," she continued, looking stern.

"I've what?"

"Your lungs can't hold as much air as a normal person's," Chopper explained. "And it's a good thing you haven't been ill before, because I'm not sure if you would have ever recovered properly. You may be nineteen, but you've smoked more than people who are six or seven years older than you, and with the fact that you're already showing signs of internal deterioration…" he stopped, his blue nose wiggling as he sniffed.

"What? Spit it out, Chopper!" Usopp demanded, looking scared.

"He won't live to see thirty, that's what," Zoro said calmly, folding his arms. He met Sanji's eyes as the cook's fingers tightened on the sheets before he let out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes and weakly leaning against the headboard.

"_No! Sanji's my _nakama! _He can't die!" _Luffy shouted, attempting to jump on the bed but being forcibly held back by Franky.

"He won't if he stops," Chopper said. "There may always be some respiratory problems, but if he gives it up for good, chances are his body will start to heal itself."

"Sanji-kun?" Nami asked hesitantly.

"I'm okay, Nami-san," he replied. "But it's not going to be easy. I'm addicted."

"Addictions are tough to break," Chopper agreed. "And you're going to feel awful for a few weeks."

"And be even less pleasant than usual," Zoro muttered.

"Shut up, _Marimo." _

"…_But, _I think you'll get over it. And I've got just the thing to help you!" the reindeer trotted off to a side cabinet and opened the door, bringing out a variety of lollipops. "You're so used to having something in your mouth that these will be a good substitute."

"Chopper," Sanji said sternly. "You know that withdrawal leads to weight gain. And eating sugar every second of the day won't help."

"Your vanity is quite amusing, Sanji-san," Robin was smiling.

"Besides, as your doctor, I think you could afford to gain a few pounds," Chopper shrugged.

"I could…"

"You've lost weight, Sanji. We've all noticed," Usopp spoke up.

"You weigh almost nothing. I felt like I was carrying a feather in here," Zoro grunted his agreement.

"I…"

"We're all here for you, Sanji," Luffy put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get through this, and it'll be easier than looking for a new cook. Besides, I want to keep eating your food!" he grinned.

"Thanks, Luffy," Sanji smiled back at him before taking one of the suckers and removing the wrap; placing it in his mouth.

"And I bet you'll maybe even get a girl, now," Franky had a cheerful grin on. "Your breath'll be _super!" _

"And in the long run you'll be better-looking, too," Nami winked at him. "Nobody thinks yellow fingers and teeth are attractive."

"Plus we won't have to breathe that stuff all the time," Zoro sniffed.

Sanji gave him an appraising look before crowing, "If Nami-swan and Robin-chwan think it's best, then I'll do it!"

"Good luck, Sanji-san," Robin nodded to him.

"Now everyone out, he needs rest," Chopper ushered them back onto the deck before turning to look at Sanji. "We've already thrown all of your cigarette overboard, but if you have secret stashes somewhere, we'll find those, too," he warned. "Now, get some rest."

"Fine," Sanji lay back down, rolling the sucker around in his mouth and enjoying the flavour.

Besides, he reasoned, they say that smoking kills taste buds too, and what kind of chef would he be without those?

000

Word had spread among the pirate crews that the chef of the Straw-Hats had taken up having a lollipop stuck in his mouth all the time (pirates are _terrible _rumormongers, after all), but if anyone so much as made a comment about it, he soon found himself beset by nine very strong pirates and ended up unconscious on the ground. Sanji decided then that he kind of liked the attention, because when people were watching his mouth instead of his feet, they went down that much faster.

He looked over his latest victim and spat out his lollipop stick, tongue licking at the last traces of tangerine. He had decided that they were his favorite, because his darling Nami-swan loved them, and if he tasted like on maybe he would get a kiss…

The twitching lump of blonde cook on the deck proved otherwise as Nami stalked off, but he reasoned he could keep trying.

After all, he had a long time to live.

**So, there you have it xP I don't write straight-nakamaship fics all that often, but it most assuredly was fun to do. **

**Drop me a review :D**


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